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| Picture posed by model! I don't have that much hair |
The Government has been encouraging households to think about how they would manage for three days during an emergency.
The advice includes keeping some bottled water and non-perishable food at home, and building up supplies gradually rather than rushing out to fill a trolley in one go.
I can now report that I have been preparing for this sort of eventuality. Entirely by accident, naturally.
I placed an Amazon order for Irn-Bru and, somewhere between choosing the drink and clicking the button, managed to order 48 cans. Forty-eight. That is not a casual purchase for a quiet afternoon; it is a small Scottish soft-drink depot with my name on it.
Irn-Bru is, of course, the iconic Scottish drink, famous for its bright orange colour and its distinctive taste. It has been described as iron-infused, which sounds particularly useful in an emergency, when one might need both a refreshing drink and the confidence to move a surprisingly heavy box of cans. (It's actually Ammonium Ferric Citrate, for those eager to know these things.)
When the delivery arrived, I briefly wondered whether Amazon had mistaken me for a corner shop. Then I remembered the Government’s three-day stockpile advice and realised I had been doing my bit all along. I had simply misunderstood the assignment and concentrated on the fizzy-drink department.
There is a practical limit to this preparedness, admittedly. Forty-eight cans of Irn-Bru are not a substitute for the recommended supply of drinking water. So I shall still need to check the cupboard for bottled water and the other household essentials. But if a sudden emergency calls for a cheerful orange fizz, I am ready to serve the street.
The official advice is sensible: check what you already have, consider what your household would need, and add a few useful items during ordinary shopping. You do not need to panic-buy or assemble everything in one heroic supermarket dash. My own approach has been to start with the important things and then accidentally acquire enough Irn-Bru to make my kitchen look like a drinks wholesaler.
At least I know one part of the emergency plan is covered. If anyone needs a can, please form an orderly queue. I may even be able to offer a second one, although after 48 cans I reserve the right to ask whether you brought your own glass.