My Accidental Irn-Bru Emergency Stockpile

Picture posed by model! I don't have that much hair

A mistaken Amazon order for 48 cans of Irn-Bru turned into an accidental contribution to the Government’s three-day emergency food advice.

The Government has been encouraging households to think about how they would manage for three days during an emergency. 

The advice includes keeping some bottled water and non-perishable food at home, and building up supplies gradually rather than rushing out to fill a trolley in one go.

I can now report that I have been preparing for this sort of eventuality. Entirely by accident, naturally.

I placed an Amazon order for Irn-Bru and, somewhere between choosing the drink and clicking the button, managed to order 48 cans. Forty-eight. That is not a casual purchase for a quiet afternoon; it is a small Scottish soft-drink depot with my name on it.

Irn-Bru is, of course, the iconic Scottish drink, famous for its bright orange colour and its distinctive taste. It has been described as iron-infused, which sounds particularly useful in an emergency, when one might need both a refreshing drink and the confidence to move a surprisingly heavy box of cans. (It's actually Ammonium Ferric Citrate, for those eager to know these things.)

When the delivery arrived, I briefly wondered whether Amazon had mistaken me for a corner shop. Then I remembered the Government’s three-day stockpile advice and realised I had been doing my bit all along. I had simply misunderstood the assignment and concentrated on the fizzy-drink department. 

There is a practical limit to this preparedness, admittedly. Forty-eight cans of Irn-Bru are not a substitute for the recommended supply of drinking water. So I shall still need to check the cupboard for bottled water and the other household essentials. But if a sudden emergency calls for a cheerful orange fizz, I am ready to serve the street.

The official advice is sensible: check what you already have, consider what your household would need, and add a few useful items during ordinary shopping. You do not need to panic-buy or assemble everything in one heroic supermarket dash. My own approach has been to start with the important things and then accidentally acquire enough Irn-Bru to make my kitchen look like a drinks wholesaler.

At least I know one part of the emergency plan is covered. If anyone needs a can, please form an orderly queue. I may even be able to offer a second one, although after 48 cans I reserve the right to ask whether you brought your own glass.